Always in my thoughts you are
Always in my dreams you are
I got your voice on tape
I got your spirit in a photograph
Always out of reach you are
Cold inside my arms you are
Simple like a child you are
I remember when you took my hand and led me through the rain
Down inside my soul you are
The more I show the way
I feel the less I find you give a damn
The more I get to know the less find that I understand
Innocent, the time we spent, forgot to mention we're good friends
You thought it was the start of something beautiful?
Well think again.
Mother lost her looks for you
Father never wanted you
I trust to love and then I find you never really felt the same
There's something in your heart so cruel
Start something beautiful - Porcupine tree.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Animal crackers
So, guess what dudes.
Bri.. is.. HAPPY OMFG. ISNT IT AMAAAAZING?
not really. : p
But yeah. happy. Hmmmm.. Im starting to feel it again maybe.. just a little..
but im smiling more over the last few days. Its had its tears and breakdowns for sure.. but it also had alot of awesome smiles and 5 and a half hour talks to my Home G. Who by the way is amazing. *nodsnods* even though he doesnt think so.
*beat boxes* Yeahhhh.. Hmmmm Meh..
Bri.. is.. HAPPY OMFG. ISNT IT AMAAAAZING?
not really. : p
But yeah. happy. Hmmmm.. Im starting to feel it again maybe.. just a little..
but im smiling more over the last few days. Its had its tears and breakdowns for sure.. but it also had alot of awesome smiles and 5 and a half hour talks to my Home G. Who by the way is amazing. *nodsnods* even though he doesnt think so.
*beat boxes* Yeahhhh.. Hmmmm Meh..
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The relations of you and I
I'm not sure anymore.
Things aren't even close to how I would like them to be. Not by a long shot.
In a way, I get this feeling I'm losing most of my friends, the people close.
Everyone seems to be taking time to themselves to rediscover, reinvent, soul searching, or taking time to leave and say goodbye.
Maybe I dont trust enough, I know I dont. I know the people I do trust, I can trust.. But it still feels broken. Maybe I just wish i could do more then I can for people. Meh.
Maybe im just stressing too much since i have like.. a month to decide what im going to do for the rest of my life..
Friends. I need you.
You know that.. right?
So.. While you're off tending to your own things.. remember you're not the only one..
Things aren't even close to how I would like them to be. Not by a long shot.
In a way, I get this feeling I'm losing most of my friends, the people close.
Everyone seems to be taking time to themselves to rediscover, reinvent, soul searching, or taking time to leave and say goodbye.
Maybe I dont trust enough, I know I dont. I know the people I do trust, I can trust.. But it still feels broken. Maybe I just wish i could do more then I can for people. Meh.
Maybe im just stressing too much since i have like.. a month to decide what im going to do for the rest of my life..
Friends. I need you.
You know that.. right?
So.. While you're off tending to your own things.. remember you're not the only one..
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I used to know this kid..
I had this friend.
I used to be hung up over him. Love him. Give a shit or two about how horrible his girlfriend was treating him. As much as I hated it, I had to sit and watch and not say anything. I was put on the back burning. Like every other time in his life. I was just. There. But not really apart of anything.
I used to believe in trust, before him. I used to believe that people were good at heart, that they could change. That people would be a little nicer.. But I was wrong.
I confided in him. I confided in him like I was going to be pulled from this earth the moment I was finished telling him. But I stayed on earth but ended up with a blow to my heart.
I told him about my dreams. Where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do with my life, who I wanted to spend it with a why. Why. I dont know.. But he helped me discover everything I knew to be true until yesterday.
I thought trust was something that you had to earn. Something that if you cared enough about someone that they would give you and you give in return. But when that trust fell short.. And I was left raw and emotionless, I broke.
It wasnt the first time I had been hurt, and im sure it wont be my last. But to tell someone that you care.. That you love them, and for them to.. with hold.. something so important.. blew me away.
Im tired of life. Of lying. Of bullshiting my way through everything just so I can try to make everyone else happy when im not.
Im tired of believing in love and friendship. Im tired of believing that everything happends for a reason, or that we really have a choice in our lives.
Im scared to trust now. Im scared to even tell my boyfriend I love him. Im scared to let myself do something for myself in case it doesnt work out. And I dont know how to fix myself.
I dont know how to change anymore then I already have.
I dont know anymore.
But i need someone to tell me what im suppose to do now. Because im done trying to make the right choice when im always wrong.
I dont even know whats wrong with me anymore.. fuck.
I used to be hung up over him. Love him. Give a shit or two about how horrible his girlfriend was treating him. As much as I hated it, I had to sit and watch and not say anything. I was put on the back burning. Like every other time in his life. I was just. There. But not really apart of anything.
I used to believe in trust, before him. I used to believe that people were good at heart, that they could change. That people would be a little nicer.. But I was wrong.
I confided in him. I confided in him like I was going to be pulled from this earth the moment I was finished telling him. But I stayed on earth but ended up with a blow to my heart.
I told him about my dreams. Where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do with my life, who I wanted to spend it with a why. Why. I dont know.. But he helped me discover everything I knew to be true until yesterday.
I thought trust was something that you had to earn. Something that if you cared enough about someone that they would give you and you give in return. But when that trust fell short.. And I was left raw and emotionless, I broke.
It wasnt the first time I had been hurt, and im sure it wont be my last. But to tell someone that you care.. That you love them, and for them to.. with hold.. something so important.. blew me away.
Im tired of life. Of lying. Of bullshiting my way through everything just so I can try to make everyone else happy when im not.
Im tired of believing in love and friendship. Im tired of believing that everything happends for a reason, or that we really have a choice in our lives.
Im scared to trust now. Im scared to even tell my boyfriend I love him. Im scared to let myself do something for myself in case it doesnt work out. And I dont know how to fix myself.
I dont know how to change anymore then I already have.
I dont know anymore.
But i need someone to tell me what im suppose to do now. Because im done trying to make the right choice when im always wrong.
I dont even know whats wrong with me anymore.. fuck.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
War sweater
School sucks. So much work, so little time to do it. You miss one day of class and you feel like you've been thrown to the wolves.
meh.
This week ive gotten time to be independant. It actually isnt as bad as i thought it would be. Im not really having problems sticking to routine or anything. I have enough self motivation for now, but Dad and Dar get home on monday. So who knows.
As nice as the independance is, its lonely. Normaly im good with not getting lonely. I just kinda shy away from it. But its kind of hard with so much going on right now. school, people working, researching colleges and universities. Everyone seems to be running around like headless chickens too.
I dont think im at all ready for the change, or any change...
BUT IM GETTING AN IPOD TOUCH FOR CHRISTMAS
Look out bubble wrap.. >.> imma get you..
meh.
This week ive gotten time to be independant. It actually isnt as bad as i thought it would be. Im not really having problems sticking to routine or anything. I have enough self motivation for now, but Dad and Dar get home on monday. So who knows.
As nice as the independance is, its lonely. Normaly im good with not getting lonely. I just kinda shy away from it. But its kind of hard with so much going on right now. school, people working, researching colleges and universities. Everyone seems to be running around like headless chickens too.
I dont think im at all ready for the change, or any change...
BUT IM GETTING AN IPOD TOUCH FOR CHRISTMAS
Look out bubble wrap.. >.> imma get you..
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Another night gone.
You can take the Girl out of the Rave
But
You can't take the Raver out of the Girl
I wish i could join my friends. Sucks that im stuck at home.. While they're dancing the night away. Sucky. Like. Money balls times 4. Mehhhhh.
Maybe next time. I hope. I haven't been to a rave since.. January. Ugh. Oh well.. Not like they're any good ones around Ottawa anyways.
But
You can't take the Raver out of the Girl
I wish i could join my friends. Sucks that im stuck at home.. While they're dancing the night away. Sucky. Like. Money balls times 4. Mehhhhh.
Maybe next time. I hope. I haven't been to a rave since.. January. Ugh. Oh well.. Not like they're any good ones around Ottawa anyways.
Open arms - Gary Go
Whatever happened to truthhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in5VExTM4eA&NR=1
Lost without a trace
Whatever happened to the mirror
That showed me a happy face
Whatever happened to sorry
You know it’s never too late
Whatever happened to good things coming
Coming to those who wait
Whatever happened to this city
It’s not like it used to be
Whatever happened to you
Whatever happened to me
Gotta look myself in the eye
And say it’s gonna be alright
Maybe everything won’t be alright
All the time
I’ve gotta take these chances where they are
It’s gonna be alright
I’ve gotta see things for what they are
At the time
Lost with no place to begin
I’ll slowly adjust to the sun just face I’m in
Whatever happened to the list
of things I wanted to be
Whatever happened to you
Whatever happened to me
Gotta look myself in the eye
And say it’s gonna be alright
Maybe everything won’t be alright
All the time
I’ve gotta take these chances where they are
And it’s gonna be alright
I’ve gotta see things for what they are
At the time, at the time
Yeah the words are on the seam
Ready to receive
I’m the ocean you’re the stream
Ready to receive
It’s like open arms to me
Ready to, ready to receive
Gotta look myself in the eye
And say it’s gonna be alright
Maybe everything won’t be alright
All the time
No, I’ve gotta take these chances where they are
And it’s gonna be alright
I’ve gotta see things for what they are
At the time
I’ve gotta see things for what they are
At the time,
At the time ..
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